For so much of my life, my lack of confidence came from self-judgement. I was always worrying about what others thought of me, focusing way too much on the external. Instead of being present and just living… I filtered my experience through what I imagined others were thinking. I’d create stories in my head, stories where people were laughing at me, or judging me, even though I had no proof of it.
The other day I did a bit of a clear-out while looking for some important documents. I didn’t find what I was searching for, but I did come across a bunch of old letters from friends, photos from primary and high school, and even an old diary that I started when I was six years old. I wrote in it sporadically until I was twenty, mostly in times of sadness. So it’s not a good snapshot of my whole life, thankfully! Haha.
It was a strange experience to read through it. These versions of myself, through the ages, were lost, very much lacking confidence and uneasy with the world and my place in it. Then I could see how in my late teens and early twenties, I used alcohol as a way to push through deep insecurity and self-doubt. Reading those pages gave me some feelings… mostly grateful to have gotten through those times. I know regrets don’t lead anywhere good but as I read I felt quite a lot of regret with the amount of alcohol I drank. Even though, MOST of the time I had fun, and only a few times I got myself into trouble.
Looking back now, with more confidence, it seems so clear and simple. But when you’re deep in that place of self-doubt, it’s hard to see a way out. Maybe you’ve always felt this way, or maybe a big rejection recently knocked you down… whether it’s from a partner, a friendship group, a job, or someone you really admired. Rejection hurts… and it can stick around and impact your confidence if you let it.
This is why self-acceptance is so important. And not just self-acceptance, but also accepting others for who they are (which usually comes naturally once you start accepting yourself). Now, I see how life-changing and even life-saving… self-acceptance can be.
How to Build Self-Confidence
Self-confidence isn’t something that just appears overnight. It’s built through small steps, daily habits and little mindset shifts. Here are some things, along with practising self-acceptance, that helped me:
Take Action Despite the Self-Doubt
Perhaps the most important point. You can’t wait until you feel confident… confidence is built by taking action even when you have doubts. So try new things, step outside your comfort zone and prove to yourself that you are capable. Every step, no matter how small, builds real confidence over time.
Move Your Body
Exercise is magic for confidence and it’s not about looking a certain way. It’s about feeling good, the endorphins, the sense of accomplishment and the way movement connects you to your body. Schedule in a 30 minute session, whether it’s walking, Yoga, swimming, or dancing.
Shift Your Perspective
One of the biggest mindset shifts I had was realising that most people are too caught up in their own lives to judge me the way I thought they were. And even if they do? That’s their opinion, not my truth. The moment I stopped placing my worth in the hands of others, my confidence started to grow.
Be Kind to Yourself
Confidence isn’t about being perfect, it’s about accepting yourself, imperfections and all. When that self-critical voice gets way too loud, try to shift it into a kinder one, and if kindness feels impossible, try for objectivity.
Accomplish Something (Big or Small)
Setting a goal and following it through is one of the fastest ways to boost confidence. Start small if you need to, just pick something doable and stick to it.
For me, completing my Pilates Teacher Training was a huge milestone. Not just because I got certified, but because I proved to myself that I could take on something challenging and see it through. This is also something we hear from our Yoga Teacher Graduates. Yes, they learn new skills and dive deeper into a topic they love, but their self-confidence shifts in great ways!
If you’d like to learn more about our Yoga Teacher Training, head on over here.
It’s always good to remember that we’re never alone in this, if any of this resonates with you, send me a message on Instagram (find me over here @merryemmy). And maybe if you do only one thing, it’s to practise self-acceptance, I really do believe that the more we accept ourselves, the more our self-confidence naturally grows.
Always merrymaking.
Emma (and Carla)
Ps. If you’re thinking about signing up for our Yoga Teacher Training, now is a great time to join! We begin the 2025 Yoga Teacher Training in May 2025. Don’t miss out on the early bird bonus!